Vera and Mister God

 Vera’s irreligiosity did not loom large in her crowded firmament, but nonetheless the subject elicited some pithy observations from her.

When I informed Vera that my father had developed a grave illness she replied “Mister God is a complete bastard”.

On another occasion, Vera and I attended the smallish Catholic funeral of a mutual friend.  (Vladimir who had a dread fear of death always eschewed funerals.)  Of course, there were a lot of hymns and prayers.  Vera had something of a foghorn voice and said rather too loudly: “thank God there isn’t an OFSTED of funerals, this is so boring!”

The Derers had a Jewish friend who was a bit religious.  So as a present they bought him a mezuzah, a box which you stick on your doorway with a fragment of scripture inside, in order to bless your comings-in and goings-out.   They kept telling the friend: “whatever you do, DON’T open the box!”   Eventually, however, he succumbed to curiosity, only to find a piece of paper therein which read: “I TOLD you not to open this, signed GOD”!